Thanks again Anita and I think this will be last post to wrap this up.

First, let me just say you have provided some valuable insight that I hadn’t considered in this situation which has helped me to rethink how to handle this  moving forward. I honestly believe now that this was just a “perfect storm” of some long dormant issues coming into contact with a friend who is in a very emotionally topsy-turvy place herself but also has what I would categorize as a someone with a strong “avoidant” personality style.

I clearly still have some attachment issues I thought I had resolved, and maybe I had to a certain extent, but I think what triggered me here with B is that while I was viewing us as bonding, and actually becoming closer friends, to her I was more of a temporary “Emotional Placeholder”. I believe either someone came along that she viewed as more of a “permanent” solution until she finally separates from her husband or she just decided she didn’t need the same level of support because of her business taking off  and/or she was starting lean more on other friends, which was probably the right thing to do.

But she could have handled it a lot better and been more upfront with me about what was going on with her.  If she needed to back down our friendship she just needed to tell me and I would have respected that. Anyway, I have no doubt we will return to some state of normalcy in our friendship in the near future.

As to my mother, she never ever told me inappropriate details about any of her relationships with men, and she did have a few longer term relationships, but most of these men were just not solid guys and never treated her well. I was certainly the most consistent presence in her life and I think I made up a significant chunk of her world as well. It took her quite a few years to figure out she deserved to be treated better by the people in her life, including my grandmother, and she became an expert at setting boundaries with people something she spent a lot to time discussing with me. But I know part of the reason I ended up where I am with my wife, and even B, is because I am not very good at setting boundaries in certain situations.

Anyway, thanks again for your help Anita and I may report back in here a few months down the road to let you know how things played out on all fronts. I really feel like there are some big changes coming this year in my relationships and other areas as well. I am sure lots of people feel this way because Coronavirus has really  put so many things on hold for many of us.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Timepassages2070.