Dear Janet:

“My parents were never affectionate with each other and boyfriends were not allowed in my teenage years… My dad is a very strict man and were not allowed to make mistakes”- reads like your parents, particularly your father, sent you the strong message that attracting boys/ young men, and having physical affection with boys/ men is a bad, shameful mistake.

This teaching probably showed in your face and body language all along. Shame and fear showed in my face when I was a teenager and onward: unlike other girls who smiled at boys flirtatiously, who dared look in their eyes- I looked away, I didn’t smile, I moved farther from them, not closer. Boys/ men are sensitive to rejection, so when they see a girl or woman looks away, who does not look inviting- it is like a traffic stop-sign for them, as in: Stop, Do Not Approach this Girl.

You wrote in your original post: “I feel so ashamed that no one has ever found me attractive enough to be considered a romantic interest”-it’s not that your facial features or your figure are not attractive, it’s probably that your shame/ fear shows in your face and in your body language, just like it did in mine.

What do you think?

anita