Dear Neverdyed,

“Good to see you responding further, somehow I feel that you’re a man and no offense.”

I am a woman, and no offense taken 😊 Just curious why you thought I was a man? Because it might be useful in understanding how you see men vs women, that is, what features you think are features of a man vs those of a woman.

“I’ve been fully aware that without the formal title, I have no right to ask much, but actually, I still don’t suppose I could demand a lot even if it’s a committed relationship.”

If I understood it well, your relationship was never meant to be a committed relationship. Whose idea was it? How did you feel about being in such a “loose” relationship?

And could you clarify – what do you mean when you say that you couldn’t demand much even in a committed relationship?

“And yes, I definitely don’t want to be humiliated ever again.”

True intimacy is possible only if we’re vulnerable, if we honestly share how we feel. However, you don’t need to be vulnerable with people who don’t deserve it, who don’t care about you or respect you. This man doesn’t seem like someone who’d appreciate your vulnerability, or care to reciprocate. But somewhere down the line, the right person might come along, and then, it will be important for you to be able to come out of your shell, without being so afraid to share yourself.

“The big question for me at the moment is, should I save my energy and simply stay silent or should I “list” my points “in case he pops up once again”?”

Well, what would you like better? I think that for the sake of breaking the pattern of silence and withdrawal, it wouldn’t be bad to stand up for yourself and express how you feel or have felt. But you might also decide it’s not worth it because he wouldn’t understand it anyway, or that his remarks might hurt you, so better to stay silent. What’s important is that you’ve understood it and that you’ve decided not to tolerate certain behaviors any more.