Dear miyoid,

good to hear from you again! I think it was a very good decision that you quit your job, since you didn’t have any time for yourself and for things that actually make you happy, such as art and design. I see quitting your job as an act of self-love and self-care, and giving yourself a chance for something better and more enjoyable in the future.

However, having your boyfriend back living with you, doesn’t seem like a good choice for you. In fact, it seems like a dangerous and toxic thing, because even if his behavior might not be physically dangerous for you, it certainly is mentally and emotionally damaging, and it’s dragging you down. Because you start blaming yourself for not giving him enough love (“I was distant at times, unable to respond to his need for attention and love“), when in fact you know that in his current state, he’s incapable of a normal relationship, and that he’s just going to make you miserable.

In the last paragraph you talk a lot about being miserable, and if I understood well, a part of it is because of the way you quit your job?

“I also quit my job, I couldn’t take it anymore and I just told a bunch of lies to be able to quit without hurting their feelings. It was not a nice way to quit, I felt so guilty for doing it this way but you can’t unring a bell.”

What kind of lies did you say, in order not to hurt their feelings?

“Now I’m home, most of the time, and I can process what is going on. I can mourn, I can be depressed without the obligation to be sleepless all the time. I can just cry without thinking how I will look with those swollen eyes in the morning or how will I conceal them before work.”

What are you crying about nowadays? Your boyfriend, quitting your job, or something else?

I wasn’t feeling alone that much, but there were so many other things making me suffer. I guess I have to face it now, I have to be miserable for some time and do not let any other relationship distract me as I’ve done in the past.

It’s okay to give yourself time to process and mourn things. And it’s better you do it alone, because having your boyfriend around just makes you feel even more miserable. You deserve to be loved in a healthy way, in a way that gives you joy and happiness. Love doesn’t have to mean misery and suffering, as it was for you all these years.

True love exists out there, but first it needs to be born inside of you – you need to love and value yourself. And you did the first step by quitting your job, no matter how clumsy or imperfect the act of quitting might have been (you can tell us more about it, if you’d like). But what’s important is that you stood up for yourself. That was an act of self-love. Now try to keep that momentum going, try not to spiral back into self-deprecation and suffering – because it doesn’t have to be your reality, because you’re capable and worthy of so much more!