“Even just last summer I was told he did not want to be exclusive and this resulted in my many posts on this forum.”
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It should result in you moving on – not mega-hyper analyzing a situation that is actually really simple and easy to understand, even if your emotions can’t handle it.

“If anything when we agreed that we would date other people, I did and he did not. Not one date. I had a few almost other relationships.”
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Is your pointing out that he didn’t date (“not one date”) other people your way of holding out hope that he’s going to come around to you again?  How do you know he didn’t have casual dates or sex?  Do you think he reports everything to you?  You’re like a comfortable, dependable old shoe –  you’re there for him when he feels like it.  When he does meet someone who knocks his socks off – and no one can predict when they will happen – you’ll know it.  I don’t think you’re emotionally prepared for that.

” I just don’t see love as something to attain and hold onto desperately. I just feel that it is something fluid that slips in and out of our grasp, dancing around us, reflecting back what is already there.”
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Some love is solid, dependable, not desperate and doesn’t slip out of our grasp.  You’ll never see that – or experience it – if you chase people who want to keep you on the edge of their lives.  You’re again rationalizing staying connected as if the ebb & flow will somehow result in you two ending up together later.