Thanks Sammy, not only the next day I didn’t even enjoy it in the moment either! I just didn’t know what to do after learning of that information on Thursday and just didn’t appeal to have a bender over the weekend so have I just chilled and coming to terms with it. The social media I will leave off until I feel like I can go on there without the temptation of seeing something that will disturb me any further, I’m not that active on there so it won’t do me any harm to not have access to it for a while.

I think I have suffered from anxiety beforehand but has just been amplified since going through this on/off relationship for 18 months, last couple of days has probably been the worst its been, I’m sceptical whether a doctor would been able to help me and I really don’t want to take any medication but people close to me are adamant I should speak to someone.

I don’t even feel angry about it to be honest, I want her to be happy and at some point when I feel like I can without harming myself mentally would like to have some sort of friendship although that’s probably a long way off.

I am gonna get through it in time I know that, how long we will see, thanks for your supportive words, they have been a comfort to read