@Jay2023 sorry yesterday I had an awful headache so fell asleep straight after work, I thought I’d message you today as you said the weekend was going to be empty. I know how it feels! New roads will lead to an exciting new adventure, pattern up!

I used to feel awful as the day went on, in the mornings I’m so groggy I have no concept of time or anything lol. But I do recall Shelby saying the mornings for her anxiety are the worst, so maybe it’s anxiety or chemical balance thing?

Journalling is amazing or keeping a diary, it’s good to read back, and sometimes writing it all out feels like you’ve expelled all the bad vibes.

I wasn’t always spiritual but my break up happened right at the start of this pandemic, someone called dose of reality posted a very thought-provoking post, for me, it triggered an awakening and put everything into context so I went back to faith. It helps to know there’s a greater being who you can put your hope and faith in and no matter what happens that constant is there. Not for everybody but really does give you a different type of solace.

Reading relationship advice is good, but if you draw too much data or read too much into something then sometimes it can leave you more confused than you started.

I do believe you have underlying issues like rocd, over analysing and self worth. These are all remediable, i think you have the perserverance and will make change. Yes she may have moved on, that doesn’t mean she’s winning. She may even get married and tick off that checklist you wanted with her. However without facing her problems head-on will she ever grow? What you are doing will no doubt make you a better person, make you less needy, more self-loving and lead you to real contentment if done properly. Even if I didn’t have a bf right now, I would be happy. This time last year I was suicidal and never thought I’d feel complete without a relationship etc. It’s those people who are able to work on themselves, who take time to reflect, don’t rush to another relationship for validation that find inner happiness that win in life. You could be married, 2 kids, millionaire but if your soul is not happy you’ll never be.

Tell me about yourself Jay, who were you before this chapter?