Ever Since I was a kid, I had a weird feeling…I don’t know how or why I feel like this… I always felt lonely… I felt lonelier around couples, I was so envious. I was envious of even my parents, I wanted one particular person just to me. Even Family vacation pictures, I can be seen without a smile. I enjoy things on my own and suddenly It hits me, I want someone who could see this, appreciate the view, appreciate the taste, or smell… experiences and me.

I was very young but I would sit and look at the sky all day(Told by my mum) and if I asked why I am sitting there… I used to tell everyone that I am missing my person and my parents would laugh it off.

I am understanding as I am writing this, It is a deep-rooted problem. I have waited a long long time for a companion, even my life goals were not as regular people. I was never afraid of money or my career. I knew I have studied enough to earn well whenever I try. My Freelance writing itself could fetch me enough. But I was worried about my partner.

I often would get these mental images- Me in a luxurious flat, but all alone having the best of things but nobody to share it all with.

Even a few of my stories have the undertone of this-Of people who are waiting for their love, love they have never met but only feel.

I think I fear all this soon after I experience happy moments. I feel lonelier when I see others happy and laughing together.

I smile involuntarily seeing them but crave for my own person.

I know its pathetic but this is how it feels.