Hi Anita,

Thanks for your replies. You always make me feel better and more at peace. Yes, you’re right. Because we lived in low-income, I was very motivated since I was little to excel in my academics and create a better future for myself. I often fantasize (and still do) about buying my own home and creating the life I’ve always desired since I was a child. It is one of my biggest goals in life.

I love my family a lot and I am very protective of them. Despite being the youngest (my brother is 7 years older) as a child, I always put myself in the middle of my parents’ fights. Whenever my dad gave my mom trouble, I would be the first to go up to him and tell him to leave her alone. My mother was afraid for my safety, since he was drunk, although he would never hurt me. I was not afraid of him. He would threaten my mom a lot, and hold knives to scare her. This did not scare me lol. I would go to the kitchen, get my own knife, and stand up to him and ask him what his problem was. I just remember protecting my mom a lot as a child. I saw myself as a stronger woman than she was, and I felt the need to protect her because she was a fearful person. I matured mentally very quickly and family viewed me as very resilient. My mom still talks about how she never worries about me because I take care of myself, while she worries more about my older brother.

I think I have a hard time fully trusting people and letting them in because I’m scared they will disappoint me, like my dad did. I’m sure it was confusing for me as a child to have a close relationship with someone (my dad) who showed me 2 very different personalities (drunk vs sober). I think I truly only trust myself.