Dear sossi;

Sorry, I am back much later to your thread than I stated yesterday.

Clearly, you are intensely emotionally attached to the man we are discussing. You wrote in regard to him, in your original post: “Everything around him was energizing, he had the ability to lift me up many times”-

– I think that you are hooked on that energizing, up (elation) feeling that you sometimes experienced with him. During those times, certain chemical in your brain were produced, released, sent through your blood to your glands, your glands produced powerful hormones, and all in all, an emotional experience of energy and elation was created.

You crave and miss that up/ elation ever since because you usually feel down/ depressed and subdued (“I suffer/ suffered from depression… My general mood has always been more subdued than upbeat”). You crave and miss the energized feeling ever since because you usually feel exhausted (“I’m exhausted all the time by my emotions, or either just from worry or from anguish”).

In your most recent post, you wrote in regard to the man: “at the back of my mind all day every day is my ex. Like a warm little light, I warm my hands  on the memory of how I felt with him near me. When I feel bad, or good, when I win.. I miss telling him and him being there… Everywhere I go, I’m reminded of him as though it was yesterday, but I believe he broke up with me in 2019, sometime in the spring maybe.. I’ve forgotten when”-

– you miss the warm feeling that you experienced with him sometimes because it usually feels cold inside you. You miss the little light you sometimes felt with him, because it usually feels dark inside of you, doesn’t it?

Just like certain chemicals in your brain produced the emotional experience of energy, elation, warmth and light sometimes, some of the time when you were with this man, other chemicals produce the exhaustion, depression, coldness and darkness that you feel most of the time.

I think that you suffered for too long, and that seeing a medical doctor for the purpose of being prescribed psychiatric medications so to ease your suffering is a good idea, at this point. What do you think?

anita