@Jay2023

Hope I do get that opportunity bro, maybe I am catastrophising, but I can’t shake the feeling I used up all my lives in round 1.

We were meant to be having a fun weekend with both our friends, introducing them to each other now restrictions have lifted a little. But this morning I had a few texts come through I haven’t opened them but from the preview it is the same sentiment saying shame about the cancelled weekend plans, hope ‘B’ gets better and are we going to rearrange? So she has been in touch with them to inform them because that’s who she is and that cements she definitely will not be resolving things today. She also hasn’t indicated anything about another date – my head is spinning, what does that mean? She’s thinking it’s over?

My head is going to explode, I had an awful night tossing and turning. I feel the uncertainty of not knowing is almost worse. It would be easier if she stated something, anything! That would give me an indication of which way it is headed and help me prepare or relax a little.

T0hank you for the idea of the text. I’m going to try writing something up. Run it past you guys in case I make another blunder.

I’m trying to remind myself of all the good memories and how I’ve proved to myself more than anyone I was capable of being a better version and better man. That this is a mistake but right now I’m just so disappointed in myself, I can’t help feeling ashamed. I suppose if I didn’t care about her, I would feel apathy about my actions and just ignore her, I wouldn’t face the consequences. So it’s heartening to know there’s a good heart somewhere amongst the mess. Why do we do it? We know better but still give into that bloody impulse and then hate having regrets. Why can’t we be stronger to avoid getting ourselves into stupid messy situations! Is it a male species phenomenon? Or do I just need to face up to the fact I’m still immature and emotionally stunted?

@Rhaenys thank you for confirming Sammy’s insight. Even though the circumstances are not ideal it helps having a female perspective given I initially reacted so insensitively.

Thank you for acknowledging we can still grow a little bit more each day. I just hope it’s not too late. Women care too soon and men always care too late!

I will take yours and @Jay2023 suggestion and write a text to just let her know I’m here and do care. I haven’t fully apologised in depth. There hasn’t been a moment to express that and I always believe any hurt or pain caused should be rectified in person. With the space I just have to wait.

@Sammy1
Thank you so muchp for preventing me from doing further harm. Your advice is invaluable. I will keep reading it over and over and implement what you have said. I feel awful you had to take time out to reply to an idiot like me so I don’t want to address all the points you have made and compel you to reply. Please enjoy your weekend and I hope you and your bf have a great time. Thank you for rooting for me. It means the world.