Dear TeaK

Thank you once again for your reply and thoughts.

I dont really remember about that incident, as i think at that time im still 3 years old. What i can remember is that my mother use to get mad at me a lot for not being able to eat as it causes her a lot of stress and she’s worried of my future

As for the technique you mentioned which might solve the trauma permanently, i’ll check it out. And also regarding this trauma issue of mine… do u think girls might reject me regarding this issue? As i’m different than normal people.

You said:

But I am almost certain that the root of your insecurity goes further back, when you were a child. I wonder if you were criticized a lot as a child? Felt not good enough?

= Yeah i do get criticize a lot as a child for not being able to eat… but i dont think it causes my insecurities of height.

I think it’s because i dont like how people have first impression on me due to this height. Like the first time most people look at me they’ll describe me as “short”… and i feel it’s a flaw.

Like i remember one of my friends’ dad said to me when im eating at my friend’s house.. you should eat a lot to have bigger body… as you have a small built body.. like how can he said that to me? He didnt know my issue of having trauma and also i have very low appetite of eating… and he didnt need to remind me i have a small body. Also everytime i talk to my friend’s that im chasing this girl, there is a friend of mine saying this way “ohh she’s pretty, is she shorter than you?” Like why did he need to say that?
Now i have low confidence in chasing girls, like i’m still try thinking a way to fake my height when i enter someone house later on… as i need to go barefoot…. but there isnt any way to fake it…

I also remember everytime my parents introduce me to some of their acquaintances, they’ll have that first impression look that i really hate, it’s like they are judging my height.

I really just want people to have first impression on me as “an average boy” not the “short boy”.

But i always felt that if i finally found myself a girl who loves me, i can feel better on this height self esteem… as i will have thoughts that she has accepted me… that’s why right now im so desperately looking for a girl (but unfortunately i never had a girlfriend).

You also said:

Having read some of your other threads, I see you’re struggling with your place in your father’s company, since you’re not being given any important tasks even though you’ve graduated from university. You’re also criticized by your father for being lazy, not working out, not appreciating his work in the garden… Your mother might have complained about you to the neighbor, and once at a garden party, this neighbor told you something like “come on, try frying the meat, you’ll never learn if you never try”. You felt like being treated like a child. You have this feeling that others too treat you like a child.

= Yeah i feel they treat me like a child, due to i used to have difficulties in eating… especially my mother…

And regarding my father who criticize me, my mother used to say he did that because im a guy and needs to be a responsible man. But i still dont think being strict like that is a good way, as it leads to have communications problem with the children. Due to that i used to not talk to my dad.
But right now my relationship with my dad is getting better, it occurs after both of us argue on that day… i cried on that day while arguing with him and my mother stood up for me that day and talk to my dad he shouldnt criticize me a lot…and after that argument i use to talk to him daily now like he suddenly changed his behaviour on me, like right now i talk with him about tips regarding working.. but i still cant have like dad and son bond with him as it feels weird.

Sorry for the long explanation… i feel like talking about everything that i can think of regarding this matter.