Dear sossi:

About the strong and constant pain in your hip joints and lower back- besides going to a doctor for X-rays to start with, try to stretch very slowly (see online for gentle lower back and hip stretching position). As you slowly begin a stretch, pay attention: if your pain increases, stop the stretch. Here is a non-stretch position that does wonders for a lot of people with significant lower back pain: lie flat on the floor with your legs up 45 degrees against the wall for about 20 minutes.

“I feel my childhood was great because I’ve heard stories from other people I knew and they were so much worse”- some people who would hear your childhood story will think that you had it much worse than them. Other people’s childhoods are of no relevance to your experience of your childhood and how it affects you now.

“My ex.. didn’t like her bullying way with me”- your mother bullied you. I didn’t know that. How?

“How dull my life sounds”- your life doesn’t sound dull to me.

“I wish I .. felt upbeat all the time”- you mean you wish you were a fantasy character in a fictional story, one who is upbeat (full of hope, happiness, and good feelings)  all the time?

anita