Dear Boris1010,

you’re welcome, I am happy to have helped. It’s unfortunate that you haven’t felt protected by your mother, even though she didn’t criticize you herself. Maybe she didn’t want to get into conflict with your stepfather? My father was a little bit like that – he never attacked me or criticized me, but he didn’t defend me much either from my mother’s criticism, so I felt somewhat betrayed. He always tried to be a “peacemaker” and never took a stand, and never really stood up either for me or for himself, for that matter. Maybe your mother didn’t speak up for herself either?

It’s good you’re seeing yourself with new eyes and setting boundaries (I assume with your wife?) of what’s acceptable and what’s not. That’s a great progress, just keep at it!

As for your lady friend, I am not sure she ran away and disappeared because of you. You said that after she moved to another part of the country, she participated in the Zoom meetings for a while, and then she stopped that too. Probably she’d relapsed and felt ashamed to join… But she does have a sponsor now, so I guess she rejoined AA, perhaps with another group? I assume that if she wants help, she can get all the help and support she needs, so don’t blame yourself for her “jumping ship”.