Dear Javier,

you’re welcome, I’m glad I can help.

I’m trying to break my negative thoughts by journaling and positive self-talk. But, it doesn’t help because I’m clueless and I’m very weak, both mentally and physically.

Journaling is fine, positive self-talk too, but it’s not enough because your negative thoughts are stronger. You say “I’m in overdrive with negative thoughts. I feel fear, anxiety, anger, and despair. I have too much negativity inside me, too much “poison””. Your physical suffering only adds to your emotional pain and suffering, and it’s a vicious cycle that you can’t seem to break free from.

You’re now considering psychoactive drugs: “Maybe the drugs will numb my pain and maybe the best scenario will trigger apathy.”

You used to take psychoactive drugs in your youth, and it didn’t really make things better, did it? It’s an escape and takes you further away from your authentic self. But people in chronic pain talk about cannabidiol (CBD) – it’s a drug that is not psychoactive, has no negative effects on your brain, and allegedly helps with numerous conditions. If your pain is really unbearable, I think a better route is something like CBD. But study it first – best if you check with a credible medical doctor. Find out whether it’s safe to use for post-covid treatment, what’s the best company to buy from, what’s the optimal dosage etc. In any case, I’d definitely stay clear of psychoactive drugs.

It’s good you’re listening to sermons. If you can take away anything from those sermons, let it be hope and faith that things can change. And that you too can change and lead a happy, fulfilling life.

But in order to heal, I think you’ll need to take a look at your childhood and how it contributed to where you’re now in life. How it contributed to your fears, anxiety, anger and despair – those things that you’re suffering from right now.

You said you didn’t like therapy and that it did you more harm than good: I realized that counseling made me unhappy and actually made matters worse. It just made me realize that I was a real mess and it just fueled an already depressed state. To relive my fears and regrets, inflicted more pain. 

Perhaps you didn’t have a good therapist? It appears you got re-traumatized by reminiscing about your past, instead of getting stabilized and started towards recovery.

I asked you two specific questions about your childhood. One was how long your father stayed with you and kept harassing your mother, and another was if you could think of the way your mother (or your father) made you feel unimportant and unworthy. You didn’t respond to either of those questions. I believe you’d need to address some of the key elements of your childhood, so you can process and heal it.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Tee.