Hi Anita,

What i mean by the full picture is the outward behaviour and actions, an assessment of that. Whereas his thoughts are something i could never know for sure. He didn´t “confide” in me as such but small truths leaked out over time as though he had already told me about them….for instance about his drug use. I suppose he didnt tell me at first because then i would surely leave. Again, this fits the narrative of a Narcissist, as it seems to describe them as people who go from one to another person but can´t bear to be alone and are frightened of being alone.

I remember he asked me in the beginning if i was a very jealous person and that it was good i wasnt…but i think he was insincere..he in fact WANTED me to have a tantrum about other women so he could feel more loved, more wanted. When i met him for the last time and he told me his current girlfriend was very jealous and would not want him to be friends with me. Was he bragging? or was it honest. Because i feel he would always flirt and there is no reason for him to change.

There is something else. I have a strong feeling that he keeps check on what i am doing..this is a feeling i have always had around him but i have no proof apart from the things he said to me. I never had the same feeling with other boyfriends. i dont think its because he wants to get back to me but rather, he wants me to stay alone. As we talk of coincidence, i recently listed a house and was talking to the owner, she told me that another agent had tried to list it after i went (in order to have it exclusively) and that the woman had been very aggressive so the owner didnt go for it….ive very little doubt, this was his current girlfriend and i wonder how that just happened to be. You may say this is delusional but things keep coming up and i am not looking for them..if anything, im trying to get on with my life.

I feel this sense of people trying to bait me lately. As i mentioned for example, at work with this male family member. Today i asked a question to my team on social media and time passed, i got no reply. usually when others ask something a reply comes in 2 mins. Even my boss noticed and made a comment which is rare, after which two of them jumped and replied immediately like they had been bitten…..it was another humiliation from people i have personally helped A LOT but ive come to expect nothing but the worst. I feel they are making this example to the newer staff to show how i should be treated and its working, the young girl doing my old job is now similarly dismissive and follows suit…its ugly and i feel it could even be classed as racism at the very least developing a bullying culture. But i can´t do much to change that. It makes me depressed and sad that this is the example for a successful business life. The family member never helps me when i ask, pretends he doesnt know information etc. And at group meetings he is very fake, polite and helpful but at the same time makes a point of demeaning my influence…no doubt he is afraid of my influence on the boss because he wants total control. I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about it. The problem is that this behaviour only makes me shut the door on empathy for them…so how does that improve the business?

As you can see, i just run around in circles with these two things..but i think that this helps..i feel less of an attraction to the man i once really adored. it was an unfair relationship and i was treated badly. And it also is about my relationships with people..why the negatives all the time and why do i seem to get so many jealous people in my life? its really no wonder i feel the way i do.