@Dannydan, I feel a little responsible as it was my idea! Sorry 😬😬

Your therapist is right, but I also think you’re having an internal conflict. And you must honour the conversation your inner self is trying to have with you. Listen intently to your brain, heart and soul to feel your way through what you may be trying to silence.

Because when you try to silence feelings that you feel shouldn’t be voiced or there, they have a funny of seeping out anyway.

Let me spell it out for you:

To anyone reading one thing is clear as the current blue skies; you love B deeply. You took time to discover yourself and your needs.

You and B share an intense emotional connect that drives the passion in your relationship too. You chose her because of her very natural ability to offer emotional support, understanding and non judgement, encouragement and you quite obviously share electric chemistry that things will only continue to soar for you two when you marry very soon.

You could have settled for the safe bet C or subsequent D – Z lol. But you chose to listen to your body, heart and soul and took the hard road and your one of the few who the stars aligned for and it paid off. You went back to B and fought because you knew you didn’t want to settle like so many do out of desperation to not feel alone, you knew deep down she actually met your real needs and wants.  I don’t believe you are having cold feet or reservations about your commitment to her or needs not being met like so many people do before the lead up to their wedding or shortly after when the honeymoon wears off and that’s always because they’ve rushed in.

BUT what I do think is happening is you’re trying to silence your internal conflict. That’s why something as small as her reading the letter has turned into something big for you.

I think you don’t want to be perceived as the “bad guy”, you are afraid that if you upset her family she will love you less? You know family holds a special place for her so if you burst that bubble of hers you equate it to her automatically bursting her own bubble about you. 

You don’t want to acknowledge the truth that you are pushing and placating for something that isn’t making you happy deep down. So stop ✋!

Keeping up appearances and trying tirelessly to be accepted never works. You don’t need the acceptance of the extended family either, chasing it will only hurt you more and lead to resentment within your own relationship.

B’s intelligent, she’s fair and I guarantee her love for you is strong but also not clingy. That’s a good thing because she will not appease for the sake of it to keep you around, she will always challenge you and you therefore will want to grow together rather than fall apart through resentment .B has always come across as a very emotionally intelligent woman,she loves you for who you are but is willing to confront things too like she did when she walked away from you. This is not something you should live in fear of but rather see it for what it is , you have strong woman by your side who loves you but also loves herself.  Once she’s aware of the situation, and the extent to which this has been bothering you I assure you I think she will react in a way you’re not expecting and create boundaries.

I think it was beautiful you wanted to protect her , keep her smiling through her own battle and not add to her stress but don’t do it to the expense of your own peace of mind.

So my advice to you Danny is you can run but never hide. When we feel something it will remain there, it will fester and then seep out. So like you did when you decided to win her back just continue being fearless, feel your emotions and hear what your body is trying to actually tell you.

Give her the letter now. Say to her i would have liked you to have read it after but I trust whenever you choose to read it, that we will get through this as a team. Then the onus is on her to decide if her desire to know is urgent or she can hold off. What do you think?

I think it’s so sad that they are treating you like that. It could just be a culture clash but B should be aware so you can navigate it as a team.  My friends have had similar issues with blended families it’s no fun. It would be easy for me to say it’s just you and her against the world but it’s not.

Just start your countdown and look forward to the big bang 😉

@Rhaenys @Jay2023 you both doing okay? I do hope you post again!