Dear anita,

here it was a bit colder yesterday, but today it warmed up again. But not as badly as last week.

My job has a lot of positive sides and I am grateful that I have a job during these times. My co-workers are really nice and I have learned a lot. Actually, I am proud of myself for not giving up when I was not good at all at my job at the beginning and people joked about me and talked… I did not give up and now I have improved more and have become more competent.

What makes the job stressful is the constant multi-tasking. You have to do the administrative work, then the phone is ringing and people come in and ask questions. There is no real time for a break. Of course, my co-workers help a lot and we are a good team.

But the questions asked makes me feel very insecure and incompetent on a frequent basis. Sometimes I know the right answer, but when somebody insists I might say yes to them. Sometimes it happens that I explain something on the phone, but the people won’t believe me. But when my co-worker tells them the exact same thing they accept it. Or often I ask my co-worker for reassurance, if this or that is right and then I also worry if I am getting on her nerves. Definitely, I want to reduce that!

The job has helped me, it is a bit like a social competence training for me and I feel that I am getting better. But I would not want to do this forever. After a stressful day I sometimes can’t sleep and the next day I can still feel tired.

My feeling is that I should focus my energy on my drawings. And that I should live a life more connected to nature. One day I would like to move away from the city.

Of course, I am very priviliged to have a job, and to work part time and to pursue my dream of becoming an artist. Overall, I am content with my situation. Sometimes I just ask myself: is this the life humans are supposed to live? In front of a computer and in a city with little connection to nature? I hope I don’t sound too pretentious.

I am o.K. But I also want to make some changes to my life.

Today I have done most of my errands and have been drawing. But my head also felt a bit scattered. I will draw more now and tomorrow is another work day.

Have a good day!