Dear anita, the following method you suggested about my email isn’t neccessary since i don’t use it much, and have planety more, i don’t value privacy that much, its merdada2020@gmail.com

Regarding to your suggestion of quitting smoking, i can’t right now, since its the only thing that i look up to in my day, its very important to me since its my alone time, its more like talking with someone (the songs i listen to) its the only place where i somehow feel, even though when i do it its not that good, as for the effects in the long term, do you really think i will live this long? If so i will have to pay a lot of things, i remember reading that loneliness is worse then smoking, i can’t deprive myself from things for a fear of future, cancer lung is also could cause death, which is kinda my goal with smoking, i did thought of quitting, but i just didn’t find a good substitute to it, where could i feel/think like myself? Im already paying the price of smoking, i think if i ever did had what you described and didn’t suicide somehow, i will accept it, i will have to

As im typing this, i feel guilty, for not quitting, i also feel angery at myself for developeding such habit, i also feel helpless, like im controlled by my habits and routine, i have this very strong need to follow my routine, no matter how damaging it, im also afraid, very much of the future, how will i live? I have the worse beliefs and desires to live on, a friend of mine 2 weeks ago, my only friend, suicide, he was the only person that had a Similar life to mine, similar desires, similar beliefs, he was from Bangladesh, had so much shame and so much guilt, anytime i think of life, i remember how much i hate it, how shitty it is, and how i avoid the solution that can actually fix it, so smoke? Why not, at least im doing something that i somehow enjoye, even if i don’t the idea that i enjoy it is enough

I think that if we ever did something together such as changing the world, we would be a great team

As for addressing everything you say: i like it :D, if i get tired i might just take a break, but i like answering everything you say, and think about it for a while before i replay