Dear Murtaza:

I listened to the rap song, watched a video, read the lyrics- eerie, the voice monotonous, eerily evenly paced, other worldly. Some of the words that stand out, sounding similar to what you expressed before: “I’m burning every day, my soul, there’s nothing left. Everything I say is contrary to belief.. I’d rather take the easy route…. it’s Hell on Earth…Have you ever messed up to the point… Now you f*** up”

My first thought was to ask you: is it really that bad for you?

Then I thought back to the times I was most depressed and I asked myself: was it this bad for me?

Back to you: is it really this bad for you? Is “going on the roof, alone, near the sky, with my favorite music, and a cup of cappuccino, while smoking, just  so good”, and seeing the way your little sister looks at you.. that’s not hell on earth, is it?

I know you wrote that you couldn’t explain it any better than the song, but I want to know the very specific, individual nature of your pain in a different way, a way you would have explained it to me if you were a five-year-old, or a ten years old.. using your own words, as clear as possible of songs you heard, online sources you read.. your very words?

(If you want to do so, when it is convenient for you).

anita

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