Hi Cass.

As an outsider looking into your situation, all the signs that I’m getting are telling me that it would be better if you leave him alone. I really understand how hard this can be as I am too struggling with a similar situation (I posted a thread here recently).

The simple fact is this: If this guy REALLY wanted to be with you, he would have already made the move to do so. You guys keep going back and forth, back and forth. He wants to be intimate when it’s convenient, but then pushes you away the next day. Don’t you think you deserve someone who wants you all the time?

This guy clearly knows how you feel about him, yet he cannot reciprocate his feelings properly. You don’t deserve someone who hesitates and beat around the bush when it comes to the question whether he’ll be with you. If you try to push it, it will only end badly.

I really understand what you’re going through. My ex was my best friend for 2 years, I have never been so close to anyone as I have with him. He was there for me through everything. He was my source of happiness (very unhealthy). And when he wanted me out of his life when I pushed for more affection due to him being distant, I was broken.

It’s hard to completely let him go now, and you can’t just forget your feelings for him, but just try to gradually detach from him for your heart’s sake.

Think of it this way, if you distance yourself, he may really miss you and decide that he does want to be with you. But if it doesn’t affect his decision in not wanting to be official with you, then that’s also great. Why? Because it’s better to know sooner than say after a couple more years of emotional distress over this on and off thing between you guys.

You don’t need to make a big announcement that you’re going to back off, just do it. Focus on things that make you happy and learn to rely on yourself more. Over time you won’t feel like you need him so much and it will hurt less if he ever decides that he REALLY doesn’t want a relationship with you.

Cass, please feel better. I know it doesn’t feel like it now but there ARE people out there who are more deserving of your time. Someone who won’t pull on your heart strings so much, who doesn’t hesitate to be with you.