Leina,

Thank you so much. I can tell that you really do understand what this feels like, it sucks. All I keep thinking is, what is it about me that’s not good enough?? The thing that sucks the most is that he is a really good person, and wicked kind hearted so I know that he’s not intentionally trying to hurt me, it would be so much easier to let go if he were an asshole. You know? Not that his actions aren’t cruel towards me, but I think he has been confused too over the years and just living life.

I already did what you said not to do, I made the announcement this morning that I was moving on because I was overly confused for too long, and that I felt like I owed it to myself to meet other people so that when the time for me to be in a relationship does come, I will have options. I mean, there have been guys that were perfectly fine, and compatible with me that I didn’t give a second glance because he was all I wanted. Want to know his response to that? “Ok, cool.” Really?! Thank God I wasn’t just saying that to gauge his reaction!

My hope of course is that he comes to his senses before it’s too late, and maybe he will. But I’m not holding my breath. I know that I have a lot to offer someone, and he is very intelligent so I can’t understand why he doesn’t see that. There was one time we talked about having a baby girl someday, and he was so into the idea that it scared me! I wasn’t really ready to do that (that time I did just say it to see the reaction lol) but you can get the idea of all the mixed signals I’ve received from him. Like wouldn’t you have to be together to plan on having a kid and all that?

Idk, anyway I was dead serious about what I said this morning, but it still hurts so much. I told him that I hope we always stay friends, but I don’t see how I can because every time we hang out or text or whatever I’ll be thinking about how much he doesn’t want me. I also don’t know how I can let go of someone I’ve talked to legitimately every day without fail for the past idk how long. He’s the person I turn to for everything (emotional). He gives the most well thought out advice I’ve ever heard, and it always comes from a really good place. Who am I gonna call when I really need someone to talk to about everything? He knows everything about my whole life, and really is my best friend. I’m so sad, and I know that this is not healthy. I’ve known that for a while, but how can I break the cycle without losing a true friend?