Hi dear Anita,

I couldn’t bring myself to write something, I was kind of fluctuating between moods. I got back from my hometown and I found out that he started seeing somebody else while I was away. He said that he did that just not to stay alone and it didn’t mean anything. I basically couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. When he said that, by texting, I suffocated. Then I’ve blocked him on every communication channel besides the classic SMS, and he texted there and wanted to see me. He didn’t want to end things this way, with this much hate(?) he said. But hate was nowhere near me, I cannot even get angry with him. I’m just in pain when I think about what happened. I cannot accept the fact that he could touch, speak and basically see another person while I was thinking about him. Being away helped me mentally but when I was back, my home was full of memories, naturally. I spent days crying and then I had to do so much work because of the time I’ve wasted.

Then he came to see me, to end things peacefully. Since we’ve missed each other very much, it was like in the past again. But the fluctuations continued. One moment he was all in love with me again, and the other moment he was thinking about what he’ll do with the other person. One moment he looks at me and speaks to me with so much love and the other moment he acts very cold, thinking that the best would be if he gets away from everybody.

I don’t know what to do, I feel so much pain when I think about how could he do those things. Maybe I cannot face reality, there is a part of me who cannot get away, cannot move on, and doesn’t want to move on. I both want to get free from this jail I’ve built.