Dear anita, so good to speak with you again!!

I’ll respond in the way you laid your answers for easy reading 🙂

1) I “knew” him a month prior to him asking me to go out with me. First 2 times he just came for some paperwork and left in a matter of minutes. The 3rd and 4rth I started being friendly with him, doing small talk and he was open and friendly as well. I initiated being more playful and flirty, he caught up on it instantly and he started making remarks about us in the future, dating etc. The 5th time he came to the office, he asked for my FB account. Then for one day we chatted and the next he asked me out and had or 1rst date.

2) No. He is not a coworker. Completely seperate offices. His is an accounting office and mine a law office. We just reffer clients to each other and help each other on stuff, like signing, stamping, authorizing documents etc.

3) Yes, his whole family and best friends safe some minor friends and distant relatives.

4) About 4-5 times, 2+ hours each time.

5) The statement “love me dearly” may be a stretch I agree, but I do have a language barrier since english is not my native one. They are really positive about me, his siblings and mother openly stated that and they take my side concerning the ex. I do not know it that they actually love me though, it was a manner of speaking. His mother gave me gifts the first time she met me.

News flash: yesterday, we didn’t meet because his ex was supposed to come pick her stuff. Surpise she didn’t!!!! And he remains cold. Typical messages, no phone calls, not even emojis safe a smiley face and a kiss for good moring/night. His replies are small and he doesn’t start a conversation about anything. I’m feeling like I’m interviewing him!

Anita… I have feelings for him. Yet, isn’t it dishonest to:

Give someone do much attention, warmth, acts & declarations –> Make someone feel safe & open up –> That someone feels they should wait & cool of the sexual tension because they are not ready –> So you shut them down, “take back” all that you gave them (attention, warmth, acts & declarations) –> Tell them that they are responsible for pressuring you –> Ask them to take things slower –> They agree –> But you also don’t move “forwards” but backwards?

Is it unfair for me to think like I’m being punished/ put in the back burner?

When I went out with him, I though we would have some great dates and then, if we talked more and things were amazing we would enter a relationship and de facto, things would be slow. Not in a sense of dragging the relationship. In the sense of moving forward each day, little by little, for trust and feelings to develop, sink in and have both progression and excitement. The couple makes some future plans, but not so long term ones, for example traveling together, going to a concert the next month etc. Then 6 months, 9 months, 1 year after, you start talks of a joint life, maybe living together and/or marriage etc.

I get that love & what goes on a relationship can not follow a calendar and what I am describing about is something general. Things could be faster or slower but, I just wanted to give a general image of what I think is healthy. What works for me. So, when I meet this 32 year old man that talks all this sh*t (sorry) from so early on and then he takes it back, it’s not that he messed up my dreams, because I never took them seriously. I knew it is too freaking early to talk about those things and mean them, but he did mess up my ability to open up to him. It’s like he took back my right to self expression and he made me feel bad about having it in the first place.

Ugh….Any thoughts? :/