Dear C. R. Smith:

1. About the place where you live and the topic of physical looks, you wrote today: “it is UGLY here. One of my greatest joys in life has been to simply walk in beautiful places…. I live in Kansas, and it is literally ranked as one of the ugliest states if not the ugliest state in America… I feel like I am living in a dump. I don’t like the grass, I don’t like the dirt, the state is too poor to beautify anything, and it is flat”.

More than 4 years ago, on March 2017, you wrote about the same topic (physical looks) in your reply to a member: “I think about the people I’ve known that I respect.. Their looks have NOTHING to do with why I value them… Again, their value has nothing to do with their looks… LOOKS ARE IRRELEVANT. It is hard for me to remember this. I must remind myself of it 20 times an hour. But, it is true. I would be so much happier if I could truly embrace it… Think about everything that makes life meaningful. Almost all of it is invisible”.

I know that back in March 2017 you referred to the physical look of the human body, and today, you referred to the physical look of a place. But in principle, if “everything that makes life meaningful.. is invisible”- perhaps you can find an invisible meaning to living where you are. Back in 2017, you had to remind yourself of this principle 20 times an hour- maybe you didn’t remind yourself of this principle for a long time (?)

2. About your job, human behavior and loneliness, you wrote today: “My job, which I really don’t like either..  Another issue is people…  there are a lot of uneducated, foul people, as well. I feel in another state I would be around people I can relate to better. And I am lonely beyond belief (though I seem to be lonely no matter where I live)”.

More than 7 years ago, in April 2014, you wrote about the same topic: “I am 48 and am still looking for my right career! However.. We have the power to help others in any job by the way we do our work with pride and honor and by the way we treat our coworkers and customers. Truly giving to others is a matter of who you are, not what you do… No job is going to be 100% perfect! Often we feel that if only I can find the right job, I will be 100% happy! It’s not true! No job will make you totally happy. Shoot for something that feels like at least 60% of the time you will be enjoying your daily tasks. Also, being so obsessed with finding the perfect job is pretty much the opposite of living with acceptance and gratitude”-

– I wonder if you remember to still “work with pride and honor”, if you forgot that “truly giving to others” matters so much. Maybe you forgot to be okay with the 60%. Maybe you need to revive your principle of “living with acceptance and gratitude” (?)

You shared back in 2014, that you earned your master’s degree in counseling, that what drew you to counseling was “more a desire to understand and heal” yourself, that to “really help others”, that you wanted to be a counselor, but “I found out that good counselors make connections with others easily, and that is not me. I only truly connect with a very few people, and the clients I worked with sensed this”-

– I suppose that your loneliness (“I seem to be lonely no matter where I live”) is about often not feeling truly connected with other people. I wish I could read more from you about this topic: connecting with other people. I guess in bringing this up, I am trying to virtually, but truly, connect with you.

anita