Sarah

The beginning of Man’s Search for Meaning definitely holds so much suffering. Survivors have so much to teach us.

I am not sure the meaning I find in writing stories has a single big aim. It has a lot of small different purposes. Overall, I just like the process of creating stories.

There’s just so much beauty in exploring human lives and their journey through fiction. Each character and their stories have their own essence. Through them, we’re sharing bits of our findings, of our exploration of life and our understanding of it. Just like you want to show people how important it is to be selfish through your novel.

I find stories to be a powerful means of communication. There are feelings and experiences I wouldn’t be able to communicate as clearly otherwise, not the way I can through storytelling.

I like writing about very flawed characters, I find them beautiful in their uniqueness. I like figuring out how they try to cope with their difficulties, and where they find their strength. I especially enjoy writing on the dynamics of human relationships, and how characters find their place in the world and build their identity.

My current project is about two characters and how they encounter each other in their healing journey (in a challenging and loving way, but with some hurtful phases too). It happens in the fairy tale world, between an old witch with poorly healed trauma who thinks she shouldn’t be loved, and a child who’s neglected and acting recklessly, desperately trying to prove she’s lovable despite the disapproval she receives from people around. And it’s basically the journey of these two stubborn girls who need to heal from both the rejection and the equally traumatizing bad choices they make due to these rejections.

“In your instances of life struggles, your self has been put last by abusers and even by yourself. You must forge an identity out of the struggles you are facing. Get to know yourself, your thoughts, your needs as you are doing now in this forum.”

This is very true. It is definitely a good thing to acknowledge and change. I am looking forward to getting to know myself more, it should be very helpful to become stronger, and to nurture more self-love and self-esteem.

I agree with what you said about the negativity bias and challenging it. It’s just too easy at times to see the glass half empty, and it really doesn’t help with the mood. I definitely will try to put more praise positive reinforcement as I do efforts. And see all the encouraging signs.

I agree with self-compassion too. Love and compassion shouldn’t be conditional. We can do our best without menacing ourselves with self-abuse/self-neglect, and we don’t have to lure ourselves into the idea we will be worthy only once we achieved something. That’s not how it works. We need our self-love and self-compassion at every stage of our lives, and every step of our journey. We aren’t as strong or as resilient when we’re deprived of those, nor when we nurture the worries and negativity. We are worthy of love, we have always been, since the beginning, entirely, including our imperfections.

It is relaxing to think we are lovable as we are, and the rest of the journey and the solving isn’t something that changes our self-worth. It is a nice message to tell ourselves.

I definitely agree with your idea of selfishness. It is important. For long, I thought selfishness was bad, that I had to dedicate myself to my family, be the person they needed me to be, and it brought me pain and inability to build my “self” properly.

When I let myself be a bit more selfish after I hit the rock bottom and couldn’t care less if it would make me a bad person, I surprisingly didn’t become worse. I started to heal. And I learned later selfishness wasn’t bad at all. Being selfless hurt me and made me powerless, even unable to accomplish what I thought I had to do at the time. Being selfish made me regain control, it gave me more strength and positivity. I still had a lot to face but at least I was stronger because I could have my own back a bit more.

Despite the uncertainty of the future, I will not give up on myself anymore. And, as you said, I still have to get to know myself better, and build my “self”, because there’s no way I can know my needs and love myself in the right way without that.

Linarra