@Sammy1

I still stand by my original point, if you think I’m off the mark ask @Jay2023.

It’s very difficult for a man to remain platonic friends with an ex he once loved or was serious about. At the very least sex will always find it’s way back on the table if you stay in contact with any residual feelings or he will secretly pine and pounce when an opportunity presents. Those who have residual feelings still BUT have the experience will cut contact entirely because they know the subconscious is a powerful thing just talking to someone can bring up emotions.

Fact is in your case you are being open and honest with yourself about the real reason why you want to be friends, being open and honest with your current partner about your ex and I agree perhaps you should not ignore the ex and just have an honest confronting conversation with him too.

You do what you feel will give you the most peace.

I can see you appreciate your current partner a lot. He seems like a very level headed lad who is firm in who he is but also able to have meaningful discussions even if feeling uncomfortable and realises healthy conflict in relationships are important for growth, he’s mature enough to offer conflict resolution which is a key skill and not jealous in asking you to stop contact. Seriously Sammy good on you too for not letting your exes stonewalling tendencies make you bitter or someone you’re not or the other extremity of people pleasing for acceptance. You really have done a lot of work on yourself to heal from the relationship with your ex.

I urge you to continue in this vain of being the lovely kind person you are, but I agree with @Rhaenys you deserve to focus on your own happiness. I know you are like ‘B’ with a genuine golden heart so you find it hard to think of yourself only, the world needs more of you. But your happiness matters too, putting yourself first may feel weird and you will carry some guilt but there’s no need to.

By putting yourself first, choosing what you want and is best for you may mean people are unhappy,  but remember they were unhappy before. THAT is a battle they have to overcome on their own.

I know you don’t want to hurt anyone, but you will end up hurting yourself by catering to the point of your own unhappiness. Let it be, whatever it is, you know you did everything you could and then some.

Enjoy your life whatever you choose or decide I will support you as you’ve stood by me through my journey.

@Rhaenys thank you very much, married life is challenging because of the responsibility but I have the right person by my side and it’s made me love being married. I feel the stress with work too, we are heading into a busy last quarter and with the house etc I’m feeling the stress. Like ‘B’ reminds me keep calm, go to your happy place and do the best you can.

I’m stoked to read you have met someone with potential. Take it steady and I hope it works out for you. Don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t it took meeting a lot of women until I met THE woman for me!

@Jay2023 bro hope you are doing well too!