Dear Linarra:

I wanted to share with you: recently I submit my posts to you without re-reading them so to check for grammatical mistakes and such. I write them quite spontaneously and then submit. I then read what I wrote, notice a mistake, or an opportunity to clarify. In the above editing I added one word to the post, that’s all (“others” after “hurting” in 2nd paragraph) and submitted again.

And then I thought: oh, oh, Linarra will think that I am not spontaneous with her, that I said I will be but I lied/ I betrayed her.

I was scared that you will not like me anymore, say that I lied, that I promised something and broke my promise—–> this is all a reactivation of what happened with my mother: any THING, any random thing, anything…  could have meant hell for me.. I never knew what it will be, so I guessed: oh, it could be this that I did wrong, it could be that.. it could be (here, reactivated) that I  edited my post and I shouldn’t have!

anita