Hi TeaK,

Thank you for checking up on me. Also thank you for the suggestion, I’m watching right now and I appreciate it so much.

I’m not doing that well. It’s been difficult to deal with my anxiety at school, it holds me back from my studies and making friends. So I’ve been feeling a bit lonely recently.

There is something that bothers me almost every day. I’m not sure what it is, so I’m wondering if you know.

I feel I care a lot about other people, more than I actually should. Now I’m not just talking about caring about what they think of me, which stems from my anxiety, but I care about them and want to connect with them. I feel this way with almost everyone I see, every single stranger I wonder how they are and spend so much time thinking about their life. Basically, I empathize with everyone super easily.

I think this might stem from the fact that I crave a deep emotional connection with people. And also because I so badly want to feel fully understood and loved unconditionally. I’m not saying I am not understood and loved, I am! It’s just that I crave a super deep connection with people in hopes of being understood by them and also understanding them. I think this is because of my lack of self-worth and self-love. I know that no matter how hard I look, I’ll never find someone that fully understands me. Because it’s impossible to understand someone completely! I think I’m looking for this connection with myself.

It’s really hard dealing with these thoughts because not a day goes by where I’m excessively empathizing with random strangers, without even saying a word to them. I just wonder how their life is, how they’re feeling, just based on actions. I get so caught up that I forget to take care of myself and think for myself! It’s almost like I get so immersed into their lives, I feel myself becoming them. This also happens unconsciously, I don’t mean to daydream and think about it, but I slip into one anyway.

I’m not sure what this is and where it comes from exactly. I’ve tried looking it up and seeing if other people feel this same way. When I notice myself getting lost in someone’s life, I try to ground myself and think for myself. But it feels weird doing that, (maybe because I’m not used to it), or because I’m afraid to be alone. I’m not sure. I don’t mind being alone and by myself with my thoughts, I just want to feel appreciated and understood while I am alone. Similar to how my ex appreciated me. Sorry if this is confusing, I don’t know how to exactly explain it. Some nights I feel so much joy in my heart that I am basking in unconditional love and acceptance. This happens at night, when I am by myself, sometimes after meditating. I feel so much gratitude in my heart and everything makes sense. But lately, nothing has been making sense. Especially during the day, because I have to go outside and it’s frightening. So these thoughts all mix up and bother me every day.

I’ve been trying to look for some resources and someone to talk to. It’s been so hard, I can’t afford a therapist and I’m looking for a counsellor that I can speak to that can empathize with me and just support me. Honestly, all I’m looking for is a strong support system. It’s been difficult so that’s why I’ve been feeling a bit lonely. To add on, I feel like some people in this world get so caught up with themselves and their lives that they forget how to empathize and be compassionate towards others. Some of my past counsellors were like this, as well as teachers, and it was disheartening for me because I realized the world is a cruel place sometimes.

It’s hard feeling safe in public, I feel afraid and alone. It’s scary. This does not make me feel normal 🙁 because I feel like I’m the only anxious person in my entire classroom.

I just need someone to empathize with me and understand me. It’s really scary doing that by yourself, I feel afraid talking to myself because I don’t know if those thoughts are mine or not.

Sorry if this was messy, this was just a thought dump because this has been on my mind for ages. It’s hard to put these into words. Again, thank you for checking up on me. I had not responded because I was very busy with classes.