Dear Felix,

few years back i did blame her that im this short… why didnt she encourage me to do some exercise when i was a kid or why didnt she give me some supplements to make me taller?

Your mother isn’t to blame for your height, nothing more than your father or your entire family tree is. It’s the genetics. She isn’t to blame either for not giving you supplements or encourage you to exercise as a kid, because one’s height doesn’t depend on those things, it’s a given. She could have encouraged you to do sports, but it wouldn’t have helped your height, just your strength and fitness. You can still exercise today and reach the wanted results – in terms of strength and fitness. You can improve your posture a bit and hold yourself more upright, which might help a little bit, but in general, your height is a given. If you want mental sanity and success in your life, you’d be better off if you accepted it, and focus on things you can change.

What your mother is to blame though is being overly worried for you as a child, fearing for your health, constantly telling you that you’re somehow not enough (not healthy enough, not strong enough, too thin…). Her attitude was demotivating, discouraging, and as a result (or at least partly as a result of that), you became lazy and unmotivated, and very dependent on your parents. And you also became very insecure about yourself, because she wasn’t telling you “yes, you can do it”, but “I am worried that you won’t be able to do it, so let me do it instead of you.”

I keep thinking it’s not due to my mother because i know she wants the best for me…

Maybe she does, but the methods she has been using are counter-productive and made you into an insecure and weak person, with very low self-esteem. You have been hearing all your life that something is wrong with you – how is that good for you? She has also spared you from all duties, does everything for you and treats you like a child. And you still feel and think like a child. You ask permission for everything from your parents, even though you are 22.

Does that mean every time i look short in any pic i should just let it go? I feel like im irresponsible for myself if i let it go.

You should accept your height as a given, same as gravity is a given on this planet. You cannot change it. Focus on things you can change – and there are plenty – and you’ll find happiness and peace of mind.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Tee.