Dear Dave:

I am fine, thank you. You shared that you started a new job in the last two weeks, a job that keeps you busy, but you enjoy it a lot. You’ve been seeing your love interest for the past month, “getting very close and sharing a lot of intimacy“. At first, the new relationship increased your anxiety, next, you “started to feel very calm about things, until Sunday“, two days ago, when she told you that last year, she had plans to travel in the spring and summer of this year, for a month or longer.

She told you in regard to her ex- partners, that they were not “the right relationships to (travel) with, or the wrong people“. You told her that you always loved to travel, “but have never been in the right relationships either“. You added that currently you have the time to travel because your work is flexible, and you have a lot of annual leave.

This conversation spiked your anxiety. You then found a quiet moment and addressed your anxious inner child. “Apologies that this might be a word dump, but I wanted to write straight from that child, from the heart” – no need to apologize, writing straight from the heart is what this exercise is about, whatever comes to heart and mind. And you did a great job, well done!

Paraphrasing, if I may (it helps me understand better when I paraphrase), your inner child said: I am scared. I am scared a lot! Maybe she wants to leave me. But maybe she wants me to go with her? How do I know… I am crying. I want to ask her to stay with me, to never leave me; I want to tell her that I will go with her wherever she goes. I don’t want to be left alone, to be cast aside! I am scared to tell her this because maybe she will misunderstand me and think that I am trying to control her, which I am not, and then she’d leave me.

“The child in me, doesn’t want to control his Dad, he just wants to be loved by him. He wants his Mum, Dad and Step Mum to hold him when he is scared, to tell him his is enough, and to encourage him” – I am wondering, when you were a child, did any of the parent figures in your life accuse you of trying to control them? Also, can you elaborate on how they misunderstand you?

anita