Thank you for elaborating, I found it very helpful. I am glad to hear that you are in significantly less pain now.
It makes sense that I may have to learn more about the reasons why these thoughts occur and the feelings behind them.
I don’t believe it’s based in guilt for me. As a child I felt alone and unloved because of the abuse. For a long time, I struggled with feelings of not being good enough or being unlovable. At the time, I blamed myself, as children do. I have a fear that rears it’s head occasionally. I worry that my loved ones will one day decide they made a mistake by caring for me and abandon me. Arguments definitely trigger these feelings. I guess, I fear feeling how I did in the past.
Generally, I am in significantly less emotional pain these days. But, I also get overwhelmed and upset fairly easily.
Also, I have a bad habit of avoiding physical pain by focusing on anxiety. I have a habit of worrying about various stressors in my life as opposed to focusing on emotional pain from the past.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 