Dear Helcat:

As I read your recent post, I felt that I am more aware of the rawness of your pain, related to your mother’s severe abuse of you, how raw and intense it was/ is.

“When I relax before going to sleep is often when I experience the most physical pain… I didn’t worry that I had wronged another person…  I was bullied into feeling that I had it coming, not for doing wrong. But for existing. I felt that I existed to be abused and expected only that” –

– is it possible that when you relax before going to sleep, when your body is letting go of doing, and is settling for just existing (into just being), it is then that you feel that you have it coming- “it” being the pain inflicted on you by your mother, for no other reason than you existing?

anita