I have been on a journey throughout life. At times to afraid to ask to be treat with respect. Wondering at any sign of affection, is this love?

Many people have a desire to feel loved at any cost. I know I was the same in the past. This desperation opens you up not to love, but abuse.

My thoughts on love are that it involves people mutually treating other with respect.

He cheated on his girlfriend for over a year. He didn’t treat her with respect. Despite any feelings of attachment this is not love.

He treat OP as a side piece and used her for sex. He didn’t treat her with respect. Despite any feelings of attachment this is not love.

OP consistently allowed him to treat her and his gf with disrespect. OP treated him and his partner with disrespect by not demanding that he chooses between them or ending the relationship. Despite any feelings of attachment this is not love.

To be loved and to love, means treating others with respect, and them treating you with respect in turn.