Dear Anita,

I am new to this forum and was happy to run into this topic. I would like to share my information about my situation.
My gf and I are Asian for starter. We met in January on Tinder. She was in a bad and mentally abusive relationship when we met. I comforted her and I picked her up at a bus station after her visit to her ex’s house.
We soon went on dates and when I expressed how I feel about her. She was happy and told me to wait for her to recover and heal from her past toxic relationships. I said yes but on one beautiful day, I asked her to be my gf during our date and she said yes.
My gf experienced 2 toxic relationships as far as I know. In the first one, she was physically and mentally abused by her ex. He would physically hurt her and took away a big amount of her money which she borrowed for investment. That money later on gave her stress as she had to work to pay it all by herself.
In the second one, her ex would trap her. Her ex was a trap-girl (my gf is bisexual). She would ignored my gf and make my gf sad a lot of times. When the second toxic relationship ended, we started dating and fell in love with each other.
Everything was perfect until one day (exactly 2 weeks ago), she told me SHE HAD NO LOVE FEELINGS FOR ME. At that same time, her dad’s company was dissolved and he has been the only bread -owner in the family. She then had to give back the money that she had borrowed from her parents for investment. Her ex took that money away as I described above.

2 weeks ago, she went to a farewell party of her second toxic ex (they worked in the same company) and after that party, every bad memories of the toxic relationship came back to her.

My ex had a hard childhood, her dad was very strict on her (typical Asian tiger parent). She had to travel far back and forth because her dad wanted her to study in a highly competitive school. He would scold at her for getting bad results. She and her dad don’t get along very well with each other. They sometimes have arguments over stuff.

I tried to talk to her but she didn’t wanna talk. I tried to buy her food and her favorite apple juice but she was not happy to receive them.

On the day that she dropped the “I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR YOU ANYMORE” bomb on me, she told me SHE STILL LOVED ME BUT HAD NO FEELINGS OF LOVE ANYMORE. She asked me if I COULD WAIT FOR HER and said that I DIDN’T HAVE TO WAIT FOR HER IF I DIDN’T WANNA. Of course I said yes without hesitation because I love this person very much and I have never had this kind of love for anyone before

I know that her childhood and her toxic relationships have badly affected her in some way. But when I mentioned visiting a therapist, she immediately refused because she thought her problem wasn’t serious. At that time, she told me she needed time and space to heal and that she didn’t want me to be involved in this mess. But how can I leave her like this? She blamed herself on not spending time to heal after her 2 toxic relationships but rather entering a new relationship with me straight away.

I am now devastated and cannot think clearly. My life has turned up side down. I don’t know if she’s really happy without me since her sister told me that she has been ok ever since our break. And she has been active on social media, too. I saw her commented on her friends’ post on facebook. I am happy that she is happy but at the same time I feel painful. I don’t mind waiting for this girl as I know she’s worth fighting for. I was kind of a bad boyfriend to some people when I broke their hearts. I don’t know if this is my karma. Even if it really is, I still have no regrets meeting and dating my gf.

Now I wanna give her time and space but at the same time, I wanna see her….. What do I do now? I wanna take her to visit a therapist or psychologist so that she can actually has her problems/ traumas solved. Even if we may not be together in the future, I still want all the best things for my gf.

Thank you for reading and replying to my situation. I apologize if my English is not good enough and gives you a hard time understanding.