Dear Ed:

“I have been and still am needed a lot by… my mother…I  don’t want to need people, I want to want people in my life and I want to rely on them…. I just want to feel accepted the way I am. If I really need people I have been hurt and disappointed so much… I know this sounds kind of harsh, how do you feel about this?“-

– what this suggests to me is that your mother needed someone/ anyone (to listen to her, to do for her, to give her.. whatever it is), and you just happened to be there. She needed someone/anyone; she didn’t need or want you. She didn’t accept you for who you are, didn’t love you. You naturally needed your mother but she hurt you and disappointed you and you learned the painful lesson that you can’t rely on her.

“How did you overcame your intense feelings of loss and pain regarding your mother? Acceptance as a process? Time?” – I learned that her lack of love for me was nothing personal because like in the case of your mother (as I understand at this point), for my mother I was a someone/ anyone. She didn’t care to see who I am. I don’t know if she was even able to see me as I was. She had no concern for how I feel or what I think. In summary: she didn’t SEE who she was rejecting and shaming. Nothing personal. (In the past I took her behaviors very personally, concluding that I deserved her rejection and shaming).

“I thank you for your offer to help me regarding finding a therapist. I don’t really know what you mean by that?” – you are welcome. If you provide me with information about a particular therapist (I don’t mean a name or any other identifying information), I can help you evaluate if a particular therapist appears competent, hard-working, empathetic and knowledgeable in areas that you need help. You should evaluate a therapist’s competency based on her/ his website, then ask her questions based on her website and on what you need from therapy. I can help you with the questions and with evaluating her answers.

“You are right, I have trouble regarding meaning and purpose right now… Could you explain your thoughts about that topic a bit more?” – meaning has to do with values, so the question is what do you value most. It is something that we can explore here.

I read the last part of your post- how precious! Reading this made me feel good, thank you!

anita