I have been good and things moved fast in terms of job.

With the boyfriend… There was radio silence for 1 year and then boom he was everywhere and suddenly he wanted to be a part of my life.

Long story short… After trying extremely hard for about 3 months, he convinced me that he loved me very much and that we should be married. He even made me meet his family.

And then I told my family and they were not happy as they believed in astrology and my boyfriend and my charts did not align well. However I remained firm that I wanted only him. My parents haven’t been talking well to me after that. They just call sometimes to remind me of days (religious days) which I should fast for and some days when there is some upcoming religious day. That’s it. I call them to tell them of interviews so they acknowledge and say they wish me well.

In the midst of all this, the boyfriend went to another country (1st time outing of our own country) with his family to meet his extended family who live in that city.

There was radio silence from him again. 4 days later I contacted him and asked him jokingly if he didn’t miss me and he said yes I didn’t.And he added there was nothing to say so I did not text you.

Then I deliberately pinged him the next day and we talked a little about my job situation (trying to switch jobs). That was it.

The next day,  I told him the situation at my home in brief.. Just said how upset my parents were… Nothing more than that… And he said he was confused again about us. Also that he felt I had extreme emotional needs(I hugged him everyday and kissed him everyday when he stayed around me) and also he felt like a father around me(god knows what I did that was so childish).

And the next day I tried texting him about a job offer and he texted he will text later… This was a first in 3.5 years… He would either not respond if he actually was in something urgent or reply and talk.

I felt odd but I told him okay.

The next day he tells me he cheated on me the night before. He drank all night with some girl and made out with her. Also told me that he willingly did it because be wanted to and that he stopped feeling attracted to me because he slept with me… He was feeling attracted in the period of that one year because I kept him away but when I kept kissing him and hugging him he felt that I was giving myself too easily to him and hence he lost the attraction.

Hahah, the man does not get what a serious relationship is.

He wants me to be okay with it because he “realised” Casual hookup and sex etc. Is not for him and he feels it’s a big deal that he did not have sex with her… He stopped himself because he thought of me all through.

I was still okay when he said he willingly kissed her… I has done that too on a break long back in 2020… I wanted to know if I was attracted to anyone else. And I found that alas… It was just the Boyfriend whom I was attracted to.

But the “I don’t think I am attracted to you anymore” Part broke my heart. And I don’t feel sad about it as well. I feel normal. I don’t know if I am dealing well with it or not. But I am okay I just don’t want to think of anything romantic, no partner, no nothing. Just doing my job and being comfortable in it.

Pretty sure he has access to this as well. If you do, I feel pity for you for not being able to realise what we had and what we could have become. But I still forgive you. I hope you find something happy and more lasting in future. I am unable to process it entirely because it seems stupid to me to throw stable loving situation for some moments of thrill, attraction and passion. But I am not dependent on anyone emotionally or financially and I think I will get better and maybe we can talk about it(not getting back together but we can talk…the only thing that kept pulling me back to you was our immense comfort and friendship so I owe you my ears because of that). Or maybe not. Let the time tell.

Sorry for bombarding you with all this… But you asked me about it and to be honest… I have spoken to nobody about it till now.

Crying sometime at night, doing things I love during the day, reading and writing… I am slowly mending myself to happy and stable mind.