Dear Silent Rossi:

It occurred to me, as I was reading your original post, that it is very different from the many thousands of posts that I read in these forums since 2015 (the year I became a member here). There is a simple, straightforward, bare and rare honesty in your writing that I didn’t encounter before: factual, no wishful thinking/ fantasy, no rationalizations, no efforts to make yourself look better (or worse) than you are, no efforts to be liked: just the facts with a touch of decency (caring to “treat people with respect and courtesy”).

These are huge pluses that you can offer a woman in a future relationship.

“I am 32 years old male. I had a very abusive past, which resulted in me expecting the worst from people and distancing myself from them… I’m probably better now than I was before“- factual, exact, and so is the rest of your post. You asked for other people’s views on your story.

My view: from all that you shared and based only on what you shared, I think that you are good enough for many girls (not “Not good enough for any girl”, the title of your thread). I think that with the right woman, it will be much easier for you to change the things that you want to change than it would be alone: (1) to live independently from your mother, (2) to get a meaningful, non-exhausting job, and (3) to complete your studies.

I think that it will not be a good plan to wait until you accomplish these goals before you approach a woman for a relationship.

“I believe my only option is to approach a girl in public places, on the streets“- or in a coffee shop… or online, in one of the better online dating choices?

“I would be lying if I said that I don’t fear girl’s rejection… how dare I approach a girl if I live unemployed with my mother, like a little kid?…  Because of my situation I feel myself less than a man“- almost every man who is employed and who has his own place, gets rejected by women. And so, I imagine that you will be rejected as well. I am guessing that the statistical chances for you will be rejected are higher than it is for men with a better relationship-resume (being employed, having one’s own place, etc.). But thing is, you only need one woman for a relationship. She will need to be a woman whose thinking is not rigidly conventional (ex, thinking that a man must have a job before dating him).

Her thinking needs to be outside the box, thinking along the lines that a Win-Win relationship can help her- and her partner (you)- to function better in life, having the attitude that Together, We Can Do what We Can’t Do Alone”.

Coming to think about it, if you join an online dating app (Plenty of Fish used to be free of charge), what I boldfaced right above could be the title of your profile, maybe… ?

anita