helcat,

i think they are proportional to my love and care for my partner. i also think, like you said before, that i feel like punishing myself is just since my partner can’t react on his own. i feel like i’m taking the metaphorical beating on my own, in a way.

i used to thinks this type is situation was black and white and you were either good for doing it one way and bad for doing it the other. now i’m forced to realize that it isn’t that simple.

do you think one day i can go back to how i used to be? before these feelings?