Also I discovered through spending time with support groups it helped me better understand myself.. I had long held toxic masculinity beliefs that I had to be strong, athletic to be a guy. I didn’t really like myself because I was taught with some of the people who bullied me that guys were strong and athletic. I enjoyed playing sports and still do. But it took me lots of time to realize that trying to be a version of masculinity and trying to fit into a box wasn’t healthy. I was very dysphoric about the curves on my body and thought that if I worked out hard enough, spent more time with the guys bodybuilding it would make me more masculine. I still bind my chest with a chest binder from gc2b which sells binders for trans people and they are very comfortable. I feel less dysphoria with my chest binder on. It took me lots of time to realize how I fell for an idealized version of what it feels like to be a guy. Now I’m growing being grateful for what my body can do, I love working on yoga for relieving stress. I believe that the soul doesn’t have a gender and people are souls living in bodies. But some people as they are incarnates on the earth living might have some polarities towards masculine or feminine and I definitely feel more masculine. But I realize that guys don’t have to be muscular or strong, they can cry, they can be creative. And that trying to throw my health away to fit into what I felt was toxic masculinity wasn’t great.

Been trans is about living in myself, being authentic, challenging societal boxes that don’t fit my gender identity. I feel like I’ve come quite a long way towards growing and understanding myself and learning to embrace things.