Dear MJ:

I think that you did the right thing when you (1) asked him if he was referring to you when he made his general comment (“I think there is something wrong with people that don’t understand puns”), (2) when you verified that indeed he thought this about you, that he wasn’t joking (“For real? Is that really what you think?“), and (3) when you communicated to him later that he hurt your feelings (“I… decided to write to him that what he said didn’t feel good and that it was hurtful“).

I think that there is something wrong with this “friend”, otherwise, why would he be so rude: repeatedly telling you that there is something wrong with you, not apologizing since and … not responding to your letter.

Congratulations on your new assertiveness (#1-3 above and generally, “say what I think and feel”). Without your new assertiveness, you couldn’t become aware that your friend is… not your friend at this point. With what you learned about him- a learning made possible by your assertiveness- you can make informed decisions regarding future contact with him.

anita