Hi again, it’s Ivygrl.

@anita and @Helcat, I need your advice, everyone else can (newbies welcome as well!) tag along too.

Sorry about the previous message. I was upset last time, because of a Fiction Writing story forum website did a permanent ban with my account. I wanted to learn how to write in a journal and learn how to write stories, but I spam and harass at that site because no one takes me seriously. It’s freaking me out last time, and no one listens to what I want to say, and even if they do listen, they think I’m not good enough or worthy. They think of me as unnecessary and average. No one can even stand up for what I have to say.

An average day for me now is that, I either stay at home and not go outside, unless there’s an event or a chance to let me go to the library with my new caregiver. And that still doesn’t give me a chance to have more fun, and enjoy life, because I have to use a tablet and no phone. And my family does like me, and they always think life is worse when I’m disappointed. It’s like they know that when there’s a monster pooping on you, it means “bad luck”. It makes no sense!! when there’s one person at school crying, it’s like they know a secret about crying that can help you fit in and not spread negativity! What could that secret be? Are they wizards who knows better than me? That’s how I feel. I am just an average person at school with autism. An so far I have no doctor who can help me figure out my conditions!!!

For an average day of my school days, I have to go to school in a school bus at 6:30 AM and go back home by school bus before 3:00 PM. School classmates are usually better than me, and a student I maybe like always has to follow my every lead like she’s the BABY and I’m the MOM. I’m not a baby I am better than her, but I can’t tell her this. If my teachers hear me say anything negative to students, I’m a loser and I’m in big trouble because I know I’m not supposed to bully others, but I’m sick of letting my ‘friend’ follow me every time. What do you think I should do? I live in a “Special Education” school program, which has a room that I always go in. I’m jealous of the other students at school because most of them are A students, and they can go to college, can go outside more to get drinks at Starbucks, or go to get a delicious Mexican empanada (because there are restaurants and food stores nearby my school), and they win at school contests or school assignment challenges. I want to win school contests and challenges like these people. And I am smart, but I lose in these contests or challenges. How do I win???

by the way, the “opinion based, specific” formats I want so desperately, are that I need YOUR opinion, and it has to be detailed because no one give my answer the proper angle in want it to be. They also have to give me advice based on those questions! The advice has to be in a long message format, not short and boring.

When I interact with people, I am fine, I don’t cry or be rough. I don’t want to cause conflict with others at school, because once you are in trouble at school, it’s too late. I’m either passive or passive-aggressive. And I don’t have time to be too assertive to others when I’m upset.

Also, do you have any journaling advice and ideas on how to be comfortable with a journal and making comics? I like Youtubers, but no one in Twitter or Youtube ever likes me. And when I ask for twitter info, they refuse to listen. I really need help with this, what can I do so that I can be a better writer and comic artist? Besides the story I wrote one time???

I don’t know how to stop being hard on myself, and I don’t know how to start acceptance. It’s getting out of my control. What can I do?

Please help me, and remember I want specific and detailed answers,  and answer my questions!

Thank you, From, Ivygrl.