So i wrote this knowing that it didn’t end the way i hoped. I needed to know that i wasn’t crazy for starting to think he liked me. Everybody at work thought he liked me too. He works reception I’m in the café, a girl he works with said she always wondered why he would use the rest room in the bar(having to walk by the café and a long way) instead of just using the one right next to reception.

So an update my “housewarming” we were just four people was Wednesday two weeks ago. After that he started calling me by a nickname, I’ve never heard him using my name before so this was new. Then i got to a point where I need to go forward or walk away. He is moving to Canada in february so if anything is gonna happen it should soon. So i wrote him two days after like you mentioned that you know karate would you be able to teach me some. He said he didn’t really remember anything but he could relearn with me. Last Wednesday he came up and asked me if I was available Monday (a couple of days ago) he mentioned again that he didn’t know how to do it but we could do other stuff. Sunday night we wrote and he asked me to meet him in his favorite park, if i were down for swimming, or running or yoga. Cuz then we would have a plan for what to do that day. Itook this as a good sign, i if a person your not interested in want you to teach them karate(i’ told him I’ve always wanted to learn that but never got to) and you don’t know how to do it and you keep coming up with other stuff to do so we would still spend time together I thought it was looking promising. He was late which I expected (he has inattentive Adhd) he wasn’t far away, then he went, just looking for the yoga mats, found three on our way, my brother is joining. I meet up with them and he bought me coffee, he said his brother would be the yoga instruktor but he eneded up doing it himself. His brother didn’t speak the whole time unless spoken to. He (the cute guy) seem out of it, not himself like he couldn’t even remember basic words like albow, should er and knee kept forgetting it. Seem like he was on something (he’s not a drug addict but he has sometimes used it, and alcoho) the session finished after 40 min and we stayed there for several hours talking sometimes it was good sometimes really awkward. We started walking back and he changed the direction to a longer one but a much more beautiful one with lakes for me to enjoy. Then out of the blue he said that he could see himself living in the capital of my country. He’s never been there and don’t know a lot about it. Asking me how far my home town is from the capital and that it is a beautiful country but flat. My gay guy flat mate bursted but that sounds af if he likes you!

We said goodbye and I texted him I’m sorry for today your not interested it’s hard for me to read people. He replied no I’m not interested your amazing person but I don’t see you that way. I was heartbroken and confused. It takes a lot before i believe a guy likes me and everybody who knew him better than me said the same thing. We are all confused. I have guy colleagues who feels protecting of me like a sister but none of them are awkward around me. Even my parents thought something was going on between us when they came to stay at the hostel for a week and he came to introduce himself. There were a lot of other signs that i have left out because the post would be too long.

I have to as well that he has a lot of trauma. He grew up in an abusive home, moved a lot as a kid didn’t have friends saw two of his friends get stabbed i front of him. He has a lot of anxiety (he put butter in his coffee last tuesday to help ease his anxiety) he has periodes of time where he doesn’t eat all day even when he is working, he will just have a nap. He has Adhd and did tell me he gets sick of people and places fast because of his mental health. He is trying to stop partying because it’s not good for him but he still has days were he shows up to work hungover with no sleep. I have to see him at work tomorrow. Hopefully he won’t remember our conversation because his memory is worse than any person i have net.