Dear Dan:

You shared that you were sexually abused by your brother, and that the last time he abused you was when he was 16 or 17, and you were 8 or 9: “I have no resentment toward my brother, we still talk and see one another on occasion“, you wrote back in Sept 28.

Your current lack of felt- anger toward your older brother is not a result of the two of you discussing the abuse, your brother sincerely and deeply apologizing and offering to make amends to you, paying for and attending psychotherapy with you so that both of you can heal the relationship, and paying for individual therapy for you, so that you can heal from  the sexual abuse that he inflicted on you. Therefore, your lack of felt- anger toward him is not a result of healing, but a result of you repressing and dissociating from your anger toward your brother.

Dissociating from your anger does not mean healing; it means blocking the possibility of healing because when you are not aware that you are angry, you are not motivated to heal. It is as if, (in regard to your sexual abuse): no anger=> nothing bad happened => nothing to resolve, nothing to heal.

Like I suggested to you in my Sept 30 post, reconnecting with your repressed or suppressed emotions (said in other words: re-associating with your dissociated emotions) in the context of quality psychotherapy will be best for you. You NEED to be more aware of your emotions in order to be motivated to heal; you need to be more aware of your emotions in order to make better, wiser choices in all areas of your life.

anita