Dear Rhonda,

it is indeed a sad and complicated story. So, B’s ex is a drug addict who already had 2 children. At the time she met B, she was homeless and running from the authorities. She was high all the time throughout their “relationship”. I guess B too was on drugs at that time…. When did he become sober?

For some reason, B is keen to get custody of his daughter. You’re not sure why:

I don’t know if he’s fighting for his daughter for right or wrong reasons. He bragged to everyone how he’s getting her, and I worry it’s for show instead of love.

Yes, it’s unusual that someone with his background would be so keen on fighting for his child. But as you say, maybe it is to prove to everyone (to his parents?) that he is someone, that he is worthy. That he is able to be a “decent man” and not a crook. However, the way he is treating you in regard to E, as well as his expectations that you should take care of his daughter – show that he is not a decent man. That on one hand he is immature, as you say, but also that he’s manipulative and possibly hiding his true intentions.

His parents are trying to manipulate you too. His father told you:

if you don’t want his daughter or the baby in your stomach we will take them both!

That’s probably a lie, because they show no interest in their granddaughter, they never call and check on her, and they “pretty much refuse to go to Arizona for court”. His father even refuses that she has special needs, even though she was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Add to that that B’s mother is traveling for work – I am sure they wouldn’t be able to take care of their granddaughter, at least not properly. And then you, who seem to be a good-hearted and conscientious person – would be sorry for the child and would probably take her on 100% of the time. B may be counting on that too. Maybe he picked you as the right “candidate” for the task, and that’s why he started chasing you from Day 1 (accidentally or not, the day you met is the day after his daughter was born).

Honestly I’ve wanted to really come clean about my concerns to the case worker, but I don’t feel it’s my business. Any advise on a right answer for that part?

I am not sure about that either. Maybe anita will have a suggestion? Actually it is your business if you plan on staying with him. Because if you do, and even if you’re not married but only live together, I think you might have some legal responsibility regarding his daughter. Provided he gets custody. But I don’t know for sure, it’s just a speculation.

What’s for sure is that the court decision will affect your daily life greatly – if you choose to stay with him and he gets custody. I don’t know what the court takes into account when making their decision? Do they take into account his marital status, i.e. whether he has a stable relationship? Will they call you to testify?