Dear Tee,

an empathic response would have been something like “Oh that’s terrible” (reacting to the news of some murder). And then proceed with a suggestion “you know, that’s why I never read news so early in the morning – sometimes they are so horrible they spoil my entire day. I prefer to start with xyz…” (here you describe what helps you start your day in a positive, uplifting way).

So you empathize with her feeling of distress, and then you suggest something which might help her in the future. But you don’t push your opinion on her (specially since she didn’t ask for your advice), and you don’t treat her as inferior to you. If you do that, you won’t sound grumpy or condescending…

That’s extremely helpful thanks for explaining that with good example

it could be because you were attacked a lot in your childhood, and you learned to close your heart and pretend it doesn’t hurt. And then you use poisonous darts to defeat the “enemy”. Maybe it’s like you’re saying “you can’t hurt me, I’ll rather hurt you“.

That’s also true yes. I think that’s why there are wounds that’s still there and also the shield so it’s me who’s not letting it heal I guess…

Yes, that was rather cynical. Was it your subordinate to whom you said that? Was she supposed to complete a task and failed to do that, and this was your way of scolding/criticizing her?

Yes she’s my subordinate. She’s supposed to complete the task and even today she didn’t. 4 days late. By saying that I was trying to remind her that better that you finish your task so I don’t have to tell you in direct way which you could take even harsh.

So, most of from what you said I think maybe yeah there’s a shield. I can’t deny that. I do use sarcasm as a defense mechanism time to time. But I think I have to protect my heart in one way or another don’t you think so?
And sarcasm is like a whole new language nowadays, so If I’m always saying sincerely what I’m thinking people would think I’m really serious person. and I don’t understand sarcasm.

Now I started to think I do have the issue of expressing my emotions or share it openly