Dear Tee,
Here it’s also cold and sunny

good leadership has some components of good parenting. I remember he said “good leaders eat last”, as in taking care of your team’s needs first. 

I agree! I’ll try to look for a book and learn from it.

No, it’s not an easy work, but it starts with you, as their leader. First you’d need to embrace vulnerability as something positive, as a virtue, not a weakness. And then you can encourage others too…

Yes That’s what I’m trying to do

 And that you’re planning to watch his video on setting boundaries too. I really like his style, he explains things so well.

Yes I totally agree I like the style, he always try to explain things with simple examples without making it too complex.
So for a creating boundaries video he gave an example like suppose boundary is like.. it’s your own property so try to have a good neighbourhood first (Being around with good supportive and loving people) which also connects the dot for critical voice video

Neighbours can’t tell what colour my house should be

Good to hear that! It’s also good that you have female friends who are open and honest with you, show empathy and don’t pretend when they communicate with you. And if they are also positive, having in general an optimistic outlook on life and are supportive when you need it – then it’s a great treasure. Those are really good, valuable friends!

Yes and the really good thing I’m noticing these days because I’m mindful about empathy is that they’re more open with me as well so I do feel better connected with them. So I’m really grateful having good friends.

As for the guys, maybe some of them are positive because they believe they have to be positive, that it’s expected of them:

Yes I think that’s right but I can see right through them they’re tired with this. They have their needs too, Not only expectations

Do you, as a team leader, never say NO to your supervisors, even though you sometimes have concerns about the feasibility of the task? Do you feel you shouldn’t disappoint your bosses, and so you accept everything, and then you and your team suffer as the result? I’m asking because I’d like to understand the dynamics…

Okay so for this I do struggle with that. Most of the time I say Yes and then get anxious as well. And I do feel like I shouldn’t disappoint my bosses or my team members but it’s like a dilemma If I’m saying Lot of YES means in some way I’m disappoint my team members because of more work and also the pressure (Which I feel too) and If I say NO even though sometimes it’s okay I overthink about it like I shouldn’t have said No to Him/her. Because it’s my work and I shouldn’t say No.
But recently I read the good article about prioritization. In which I got an idea like before saying Yes first ask “Is it okay if I say NO?” which would make opposite person think twice before the putting work on you. But yeah, I’m still hesitating. and sometimes I don’t even listen the whole thing and be like “Don’t worry, consider it done.”

I am not sure if I understood it well: so you’re planning to introduce a system of appreciative notes – for those who are performing well, or exceeding the average performance (if someone is doing better)? Or is it for those who were criticized and have improved their performance since?

I’m thinking more like… Let me give you an example If you’re a someone who takes care of plants. Taking care of plants doesn’t mean only watering plants it comes with different responsibilities. But you understand those responsibilities you’re not only watering the plant but also taking care of soil which also affects overall nutrition of plant.

And now the thing is that there are new team members comes in my team too they would know only how to water the plant but when they understand and be adaptive and understand so even just little things that they understands they deserve appreciation.

 I can tell you that my inner critical voice is very silent, almost inaudible nowadays 🙂 It doesn’t mean I am not aware of my weaknesses, it’s just that I have much more compassion and understanding for myself than before. I don’t know if this would be visible in how those neurons in the brain are firing, but that’s what happened 🙂 I do still have anxiety in certain situations, my amygdala getting triggered, but it’s not related to my self-esteem. So I definitely am different than I was years ago…

Well I that’s really awesome that you have this much of self-awareness. I’m also working on my compassion part.

And yeah if you’re comfortable and want to talk about your anxiety and triggers with me, you sure can 😊