Dear Tee,

Does it mean you did video call after all during those 3 years? Or she shared video notes with you, but never talked to you in real time on video?

No I didn’t. She did shared lot of video notes with me. But didn’t talked on real time on video. She be like she prefers to take videos 2-3 times after she thinks those are “good enough” to share. You seeing the issue here right?

I see… she was shy and insecure, and thought people would judge her. But you tried to assure her how beautiful she is, both inside and outside, and that she has nothing to be ashamed for. That’s really sweet and supportive of you. And it’s absolutely not critical or overbearing.

But she did say she felt a sense of superiority from you and criticism, and it could be that in some areas you were indeed more critical, such as her health and diet? Also, perhaps you felt frustrated with her for not accomplishing some of the goals that she set for herself?

So you mean to say even though I wasn’t being critical but it’s how she perceived me because of her issues? That’s wasn’t even  in my control so..
But Yes because I was worried about her mental health more. That’s why I wanted her to sleep properly and have fresh and healthy food. And at times I did felt frustrated and she said sorry to me lot of times

No, I don’t think it was. The truth is that it’s hard to be with someone who has low self-esteem. No matter how much we love them, they can’t love themselves and it ruins the relationship.

Yeah I totally agree! Lot of the energy goes into reassurance

I see.. maybe some dynamic with her siblings was going on, which made her feel less than and not good enough…

So the thing is her parents didn’t waited much longer. Like first her and then directly next year her little sister. And I guess after that they found out it’s good to wait to give proper time. So after like 10 years another kid, her brother 😂
And her little sister got attention more than she wanted to. So she’s totally different from her. No matter what her parents says she doesn’t listen and super stubborn with her parents because she knows that her needs going to be fulfilled.

I don’t know either, it was just a hypothesis. But now I see that you weren’t that critical with her as I thought… so maybe you weren’t overbearing after all, but just frustrated with her consistent lack of self-esteem?

I was frustrated for sure! I think it’s one of the reasons I gave up on that relationship. Because If I’m putting time and effort, I want to see progress. work or relationship.

Alright… so the doctor seems to be the polar opposite of your first LDR – self-assured, daring and not afraid to show her attributes and stand out in the crowd   She also took the initiative with asking you out, so… yeah, she is different.

She’s different. Like different than any girl I’ve been with.

Well, in fact, we can have our discernment and still not be judgmental. If you’ve noticed something fishy (e.g. if she flirted with other men), it can be a reason for caution. But if she’s just vivacious and feels good in her own skin, that’s not the reason to judge her.

I mean she wasn’t flirting with them. But it’s kind of my problem even though It was only a first date I did felt possessive so.. It happened to me a lot of times even though I don’t like to be committed I do get possessive quickly

Good! So she seemed honest and authentic with you?

Yes. She actually complimented me that she didn’t met good listener like me in years. I guess I did improve my empathy skills 😌

You say you felt intimidated, and that it’s because she is more energetic and fierce than you. Does it make you feel inferior and you fear that she would judge you?

Hmm yes, kind of? There’s duality. Like one side thinking is like you’re good enough as you are, you don’t need to “copy” others. And other side is like Wow how good it would feel to be this much energetic & fierce.