Ola Tee,

yes, it’s emotionally draining, specially when you see the same issues come up again and again… and nothing changes.

Yes Exactly! And that repetition was making me angry a lot but I bottled up my anger.

Yep.. people who don’t want to seek therapy usually don’t want to really help themselves. They tend to complain and maybe feel a bit better when you encourage them, but this only lasts for a short while and they slip back quickly into their old patterns. So no real change happens.

Yes and I’ve tried but perhaps she had even deeper trust issues than me, so she didn’t wanted to share anything with a therapist (Or a stranger as she’d like to address)
and even for me I don’t think moving from old patterns is that easy.

Yeah, that’s you not wanting to show neediness and vulnerability. So there was a moment when you did feel like texting her (that was a spontaneous impulse), but then you shut if down, for fear of appearing needy.

Yes I think so, Also because I’m kind of bored of texting but if I rethink in person I’m not that much better. So I guess I just need more “in-person” practice.

Well, your fear got in the way. You can still repair the damage, if you’d want to…

I did tried it. I’ve tried to encourage for voice notes since it’s time-saving for both of us and also more connecting? And seems like she’s okay with it.
But yeah she’s definitely not a person who forgives you easily. I could notice that from her tone of voice😬😂

What are you telling yourself, i.e. what’s your internal dialogue, which makes you believe it will soon end?

That I’m not ready for this and she’s gonna turn her back anytime.

Correct! We hope to change our parents, and then we hope to change our emotionally unavailable partners, but we don’t succeed. And it leads to disappointment.

Hmm so for expectations like this it’s just a perfectionist inside me trying to “fix” others? So as we talked I still need to work on my acceptance part gradually.

Remember that I told you about the interview? Turns out I didn’t got that job. But Now that rejection made me feel like no matter what I want more responsible fully remote position like that. So I started to apply and got more rejections and now I feel even more down

And nowadays I’m also getting crazy afternoon slumps. Like after 1PM I can’t of think anything but eating and sleeping. I’m taking more than 2-3 hours long naps and then be like oh day is already ended.. So now I’m mostly finishing my work at late night. It’s been like a month! So kinda it turned into a habit.

And yeah I also want to go deeper into CTPSD things we’ve talked about if you don’t mind