Hi SereneWolf,

Well yeah you’re right and that’s why these days I do try to socialize more. (As an experiment) That’s why I noticed that and I told you… I’m just too much comfortable with my own company but I do need to get out of my comfort zone without draining my energy. And I’m an ambivert.

Definitely it’s a good experiment to try to socialize more and see how you feel about people… if you still feel they’re very different and you feel like an alien? I had to look up what an ambivert means…it seems like a balanced type, best of both worlds.

Like for me I’m not much emotionally expressive. Or like I just don’t get surprised with lot of human behaviour or things. I find it really normal. But her she like really emotionally expressive like a high school girl who feels too much you know

Are you saying that she gets upset by something (some human behavior), and this same behavior doesn’t affect you that much? Or she gets super excited about something, and you’re like “meh, nothing special”?

Yes! And before there was time where I used to just blindly believe everything my inner critical voice told me because I didn’t know the difference between my own self and inner critical voice.

Great that you now know the difference and don’t believe everything your inner critic is telling you!

And Yes I’ve watched the video and I told you that I’m mostly between good connection to no connection back and forth

And there was also a bad connection, I’d say, during your LDR. Because that relationship was mostly frustrating for you, right?

Hmm I see so you mean there should be a good balance right?

Yes, for example we should love ourselves and feel lovable, without needing to get love from someone else. Or we shouldn’t feel helpless like a child and wait for someone else to fix our problems. I think those are examples of emotional self-sufficiency.

I mean I know what to do but I just overreact in those particular situations and try to make them in better state ASAP otherwise I feel anxious as well.

Yeah, you’d probably like to fix the problem ASAP and make them stop (crying, or being upset or whatever). Whereas the best thing you can do is to simply listen and show empathy. You don’t need to fix anything, and your partner doesn’t even want it, in most cases. They only want empathy and understanding (remember that short video about the nail in the head? 🙂 )

Haha I don’t remember I’ve been with any strict and judgmental type girl even as female or male friend. Creating the good supportive circle you know?

Oh I see… you’re filtering all critical and unsupportive people from your life… cool! good strategy!

But I think that possibility of turn this into something else is just scaring me like what If I like her more with time?

Okay, so you can ask yourself: what if I like her more with time? What’s the worst thing that can happen?

Or what if I feel bored with her after some time? And like what if she is not on the same page as me?

Okay, you can ask yourself: what if I feel bored over time? What would I do? What are the options I have?

So questions like this as well her different but confident persona is something I feel…

She is different than the usual type you’re attracted to (insecure, low self-esteem). I think that’s what’s scary because you can’t apply the usual tactics of your outer critic, which would be to see her as inferior and imperfect (which would then serve as an excuse to distance yourself from her). The inner critic is trying to sabotage you, by telling you you are worse than her in some respects. But nowadays you’re watching for the inner critic and you’re not believing everything it says. So the inner critic isn’t managing to sabotage the relationship so easily either…

But something in you (hint: the inner child) is still afraid, and so you’re coming up with these what-if questions, which serve the same purpose: to sabotage the relationship. My suggestion is to notice that too: that these what-if hypothetical questions serve the same purpose, and so not to give too much weight to them. If you want to try to push through the fear some more…

Inner and outer you’re dealing with both of these things which isn’t easy at all. I’m proud of you and I hope you progress better and healthier way with that

Thank you! Yes, it’s hard when it gets physical, when it’s your body that aches and there is no escape from pain. I feel that I could much more easily deal with emotional pain than with physical pain. Because I can’t just think about it differently, so that it doesn’t cause pain any more. Although I think I can still be telling myself a positive, optimistic story, or I can be telling myself a negative, hopeless story (like that I’ll never get better). And that too makes a difference… But it’s hard, there’s no doubt about it…

Yes exactly and I don’t know how to protect myself from that for sure!

What’s the worst kind of behavior that you feel you can’t protect yourself from?

Haha Nothing that shows too much. Like not on the face or neck. But l prefer around the shoulder, back, hands, biceps and maybe chest. But yeah mostly desecrate. Yeah I know it’s normal nowadays but there are two things. One judgment from my family and another thing is that gaining enough weight so tattoos look much better. Have you got any tattoos though?

No, I don’t have any tattoos. Not my style, and besides, I’ve got many birthmarks, so I’d worry about damaging those. So no, no tattoos for me 🙂

If you worry about how the tattoo will look, I’d choose a spot which doesn’t depend on your muscular mass. So somewhere where it always looks the same, regardless of how fit you are 🙂